Next week I’m going back to L.A. for a week-long visit. I have so many emotions. I feel nervous, excited, anxious, apprehensive, happy. I feel like I’ve changed so much in the last two years I’m not sure how I fit in there. My friends are still happy to see me, but I think my outside doesn’t always match the inside, something I’m working on. I don’t want to slip back into the same old routine. There are some people with whom I’ve worked to develop a new relationship and I really want to maintain that. I guess I’ll need to work to stay present and remember the techniques I’ve learned.
On the plus side, I can’t wait to see everyone, feel the air, see the sunshine, the familiar landmarks, places and signs. I don’t think I miss the traffic, but it is a familiar experience. I guess I want to feel it all. It’s the first time in awhile I’ll have time to really feel it. I hope I can visit my folks at the cemetery. I never felt the draw when I lived there, but now I think it’s a good way to connect during visits. We’ll see if it works out.
I think it’s just tough to imagine going “home” to the place I spent my whole life. I think things have moved on from me and I’ve moved on as well. It is always interesting to see how my memories stack up against the realities both there and here. I guess I’m learning what it’s like when people really leave home finally. I never had that experience since I got married right after graduation and came back to L.A. with John. I never really experienced life anywhere else. I think the experience is harder at this age, so much has happened to everyone.
Have you experienced returning to your home of origin after an absence? Maybe you’ve returned to a person, situation, job, etc. after leaving for awhile. I want to hear what it’s been like to “go home” again. Take just 10 minutes and let me know you’re out there!
It is strange returning “home”. In the beginning, it’s like you’re “in between” – you know both places and yet neither totally feels like HOME. Then it’s hard to shove in enough conversation coz it’s not like when you lived there and had tons of time to talk. It took me 4 1/2 years to feel at home in our new state (but I’m told that’s a bit longer than usual). But now I’m definitely HOME.
Thanks for the encouragement. Right now I don’t feel at home in either place. I might be like you and take longer to feel at home here. It’s a real culture shock in many ways. I’ll keep you posted on my visit back “home”. At least it’s warmer there!