Thank God It’s Friday!

So, in keeping with my previous post about honesty, I will say I’m honestly glad the week is nearly over. This past week has been a tough one for me. After the snow melted (and there is still some around), it was time to scurry around doing all the things that went undone while we were stuck indoors. Also, the weather seems to cause me to feel pretty down, depressed and homesick. So I spent the better part of the week feeling lonely and sorry for myself and taking it all out on my husband who never really knows how to handle it. I love him, but after so many years it amazes me how clueless he still is about things like feelings! I know it’s how he was raised, but still…

So, I’ve done a lot of reflection, journaling and some praying about why I feel particularly lonely here in Nashville. I think it’s a feeling I’ve carried with me since childhood, but at this point in my life I have the time and space to see it more clearly. I’m trying to work out where it comes from. I have my suspicion it comes from being the first born and my parents relying on my perceived maturity and self-reliance so they could focus on the others in the family who might have needed more attention. The result left me feeling like I never got enough attention and learning to make do with bits and pieces from time to time. This isn’t self-pity, it’s just the way it was/is and I’m learning to recognize how those feelings affect my behavior and relationships. I guess I still have some emotional growth and development to experience.

Do you have unresolved feelings, experiences or thoughts from your childhood? Do you feel your birth order left you with some lingering wounds? I think none of us get out of our families of origin unscathed. We’re all the products of imperfect human beings who in most cases were doing their best. Nevertheless we all suffer some pain growing up, some more than others. Share with me your stories of childhood pain. I think it’s helpful to open yourself up to it from time to time, I know I’m learning about the healing aspects of sharing truths with someone else. Tell me your story. It may take awhile, but start with Just 10 Minutes.