Sleep Struggles

woman sleeping
Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com

Sleep.  That one word is so loaded.  Not getting enough.  Getting too much.  When to do it.  Where.  On what.  With whom?

Sleep, for me, is elusive most nights.  I fall asleep pretty well, usually with some old TV sitcom on in the background (I am trying to turn it off before I actually fall asleep, but still…).  It’s a few hours later when the trouble starts.  Something wakes me up and off I go, brain buzzing, trying to relax again, breathe deeply and rhythmically.  Re-fluff my pillow, re-position my blankets.  Turn over to my other side, turn onto my back.  Don’t look at the clock, then finally, check it out.  Do I read?  Do I lie in the dark?  Do I get up and take an antihistamine, which can make me drowsy, or is it too late?  Decisions, decisions, all made in the middle of the night.

light painting at night
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Why does my brain seem so alive in the dark?  My imagination runs wild with ideas, worries, plans.  What will I wear tomorrow?  What will I make for dinner?  I wonder what the kids are doing.  Why is my husband sleeping when I’m not?  Why do bad things happen?  What can I do to fix things?  Okay, calm down, breathe.  Try to imagine a peaceful place, maybe the beach.  Creating the image makes my brain more awake.  Listen to my breath, in, out, in, out.

scenic view of beach
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sometimes, I get some really creative ideas when I can’t sleep.  Do I get up and write them down, or try to hold them in my mind until morning?  Another dilemma.  Sadly, what sounds brilliant in the quiet darkness often sounds like gibberish in the light of day.  I ponder what it all means.  Are these ideas some sort of dream?  Am I actually awake or in a twilight sleep?

photo of person holding alarm clock
Photo by Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush on Pexels.com

Sleep.  I usually manage to doze off an hour or so before the alarm is scheduled, leaving me to awaken groggy and not rested.  Sleep.  It is my friend and my nemesis.  Sleep.  It fills me with both longing and dread.  Sleep.  A wisp of time.  A window into my mind.  Barometer of my soul.  Sleep.

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Grateful for the present moment

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The Art of Blogging

For bloggers who aspire to inspire

New Beginnings

A safe haven where the mind is free.

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Writer of Words, etc

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Living life intentionally and with gratitude after cancer

Your 10 Minutes

Everyone deserves their 10 minutes!

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Welcome to my world.

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"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." ~C.S. Lewis

Emily L. Hauser - In My Head

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WordPress.com is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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